How to Heal Your Emotional Wounds
By Mignon Walker, MD
HIP Emotional Wellness Columnist
CEO, Slip Emotional Wellness Center
For years, I tried to live up to my expectations of the kind of person I would like to be, but always fell short. I could never control my temper, release feelings of inadequacy, or the fear of failing.
People say I have accomplished a lot, and I have, yet my deeply held anger and fears always sprung to life, interfering with relationships and my ability to truly thrive. Finally, I found a method of processing deeply held sadness, anger, fear, and dissociation that dramatically increased my ability to be fully present, and allow myself to feel my full complement of emotions- anger, fear, sadness, peace, joy, and bliss. I have a deeper sense of appreciation for myself and confidence about what I am capable of. Here is what I learned.
Sadness, anger, fear, emotional wounds inflicted by others, and self-inflicted emotional wounds, can create a pressure cooker environment in our nervous systems. This results in emotional lability from deep subconscious emotional wounds, and often uncontrollable reflexive responses to perceived threats in our environment. We respond especially strongly to situations that trigger core belief wounds– for example, someone declines a date with you, and if emotionally wounded, you translate that into a validation of “I’m not loveable” or “I’m not good enough,” and react to that. You receive feedback on a project that affirms a belief that “I always mess things up,” which triggers a feeling or reaction. The list goes on. But what if there was actually a way out of negative thought loops and negative experiences? What if emotional wounds could be healed, and in fact, what if the most capable healer is your inner healer?
Your inner healer is your subconscious, body based response to injury that leads to a restoration of wholeness and balance. Our bodies are designed to heal all kinds of wounds.
Injuries miraculously mend under the right conditions, including scrapes and scratches, broken bones, ulcers, and injuries to our emotional bodies. We don’t have to do anything for the natural wisdom in our bodies to coordinate complex repair operations. We experience this in the healing of our cuts and bruises, but what about stress and trauma?
People often suffer from emotional wounds inflicted early in childhood, for decades, if not for their entire lives. Some people fail to get better, and turn to various activities to relieve their suffering. For example, some hurt people become bullies and hurt other people. Others seek to numb their pain with drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, and other activities that leave them feeling more wounded, isolated, emotionally out of alignment with the significant people in their lives, and themselves. Deeper and more intense emotional wounds lead to the survival reflex response of dissociation, or feeling like your consciousness and your body are separate. People describe dissociation as feeling floaty, numb, dark, isolated, and cold.
The new norm for American society is to have a wicked attitude, a sharp tongue, and an itchy trigger finger. Our society is intolerant of minor inconveniences and people often become verbally and physically aggressive, regardless of socio-economic or educational status.
It is no surprise that people explode when someone cuts them off on the freeway, embarrasses them publicly, or disagrees with them politically. Emotional lability originates in deep emotional wounds, and is the consequence of unhealed minor and major emotional traumas. Emotional wounds may manifest feeling disconnected, the inability to enjoy life, and increasing levels of self-loathing. Negative inward feelings like these lead to negative outward behaviors. Persistent anger, sadness, fear or dissociation when recalling certain memories is evidence of festering trauma in the nervous system and integration of these intense emotions restores emotional balance and resilience.
When you’re emotionally resilient, your perspective shifts and your self talk is naturally more supportive. You are able to understand yourself and others better, and to make more satisfying and congruent choices. With a more balanced nervous system, you have more capacity for allowing yourself to feel joy, hope, and connection. Setting boundaries that maximize your feelings of safety and peace becomes natural because you are more likely to honor your true feelings. Emotional resilience comes from being whole, integrating your unresolved emotional wounds, and aligning your inner and outer experiences with what you really want.
Society heals as the individuals in the society heal. In fact, as individuals heal, relationships heal, families heal, and even generational trauma can heal. The burning question is, “How?”
In our next article, we will address ways to improve emotional wellness. Fortunately, there are interventions that promote deep emotional healing rather than symptom control. Taking a slurry of pills to artificially increase your feel good hormone levels, perpetually talking about your traumas, and mastering techniques to convince yourself you don’t feel the way you feel just doesn’t work when the wounds are significant. You will learn about the benefits and limitations of therapies that are currently available, and some controversial options that will be available soon.
CEO, Slip Emotional Wellness Center
[email protected]
www.emotionaltriggerrelease.com
855-209-0101
Information in the article is not intended to be medical advice and is presented for informational or educational purposes only. Dr. Walker is a family doctor with a focus on emotional wellness practices including Somato-Limbic Integrative Psychotherapy™ (SLIP™), home based ketamine therapy, and virtual access to emotional wellness care. She also teaches licensed therapists advanced somatic psychedelic psychotherapy techniques.
Learn more about Dr. Walker at www.emotionaltriggerrelease.com.